A Somatic Discernment Exercise: Surrender vs. Settling
What does genuine surrender feel like in the body? And how do we discern the difference between accepting what is… and quietly shrinking ourselves to survive?
We’re often told to “be grateful,” “look on the bright side,” or “focus on what’s working.” Gratitude is meaningful—but not when it becomes a spiritual bypass (An example: “It’s okay, everything happens for a reason,” ) even when you’re deeply hurt by someone’s behaviour—and using that phrase to dismiss your anger or boundaries rather than address your needs.
Acceptance is not permission to absorb harm.
When we “accept” hurtful behaviour in a relationship, this costs us emotional clarity, safety, and self-respect.
Enduring a draining job for the sake of perceived stability costs us mental health, creativity, and neglects that our time matters on earth. Staying in a relationship out of ‘fear of being alone’ costs us authenticity and the belief that our desires, and unmet needs are valid.
Somatic practice teaches that acceptance and surrendering is not simply a mindset—it’s an embodied orientation to the be with the present moment fully. To accept something is to meet it honestly. To surrender, is to feel the truth of what’s here without collapsing, rushing, overriding, or abandoning yourself.
And that is very different from settling or shrinking.
A Somatic Exploration: Surrender vs. Settling
First, explore surrender.
Recall a moment when you were fully present—when you allowed yourself to soften into what was true, even if it was difficult: allowing the felt sense of frustration, regret, grief, disappointment, tenderness. You can try an example you’ve already proccessed, that allows full acknowledgement and acceptance without resistance.
e.g., the moment you acknowledged that a friendship had become one-sided, and you allowed the sadness and disappointment to move through you.
e.g., the moment you finally let yourself feel the heartbreak of realizing a parent wasn’t able to show up for you in the way you needed
Now Notice:
What does this acknowledgement, acceptance and surrender feel like in your bones, tissues, breath, posture, the way you hold yourself?
What happens when you let gravity support you—your weight held by the floor, the chair, the softness around you?
Allow yourself to yeild to the truth of the emotion, what happens in your physical body as you allow yoursel fto yield? Does anything inside you open, unclench, or feel more spacious?
Where in your body do you sense the capacity to trust the moment as it is? Can you allow yourself to trust the unfolding experience without needing to change or fix it?
Surrender is not passive. It’s an active willingness to meet reality without abandoning yourself.
Now shift into settling/shrinking.
Bring to mind a time when you stayed in something because you believed you should, when you told yourself “it’s not so bad”—when it felt like there was no real choice, only obligation or resignation.
e.g., agreeing to family expectations—holidays, caretaking, emotional labour—even when every part of you felt depleted, because it seemed like you had no real choice.
e.g., staying silent during conflict because you were conditioned to keep the peace, even though your boundaries were being crossed.
Let your body respond:
As your bring forth the example, where you felt you had to settle or shrink, notice what happens on embodied level.
How do your movements change when you’re settling?
Do you notice collapse, tightening, withdrawal, or a sense of shrinking?
What happens to your breath? Your posture? Your sense of aliveness?
How do you relate to the present moment from this place—are you bracing, numbing, tolerating?
Does your mind let you stay in the present? Does it jump to the past or future.
Settling can often shows up somatically long before we name it cognitively.
Why This Matters
This practice isn’t about judging yourself—it’s about building somatic discernment. When you can feel the difference between surrender and settling in your body, choices become clearer. Boundaries become clearer. Desires become clearer.
My hope is that this exploration strengthens your inner resolve to dream, to yearn, and to remember that you deserve a life that reflects the fullness of your vibrant, embodied essence—not the dimmed version you learned to settle for.
