Nice vs. Kind: A Somatic Guide to Boundaries
Free Somatic Meditation for Embodied Kindness and Healthy Boundaries 🠗
For many of us, politeness and niceties become our primary strategy for avoiding conflict. We stay agreeable, adaptable, and accommodating—often at the expense of our own needs. But when we prioritize keeping the peace over expressing ourselves honestly, we also lose intimacy. We take fewer risks, share less of our inner world, and begin to manage how we’re perceived rather than allowing others to truly know us.
Politeness can sometimes grow from a sense of scarcity: the belief that asking for too much will drive people away, that our needs won’t be met, or that we might lose the little connection we have if we disrupt the equilibrium.
If you’ve ever found yourself negotiating against possibility—dialing yourself down, shrinking your hopes, or staying silent to avoid rejection or disappointment—
you’re not alone.
What is Kindness?
We often mistake politeness for kindness. Politeness keeps things smooth, but it can pull us away from our truth. Kindness is different—it’s honest, clear, and rooted in care for both ourselves and the relationship.
Kindness isn’t resentment dressed as politeness.
Kindness does not contort itself for approval.
Real kindness is generous and anchored.
It draws boundaries with love and holds every being—ourselves included—in steady compassion.
Here’s how that difference shows up in everyday moments:
When negotiating pay or a promotion.
Politeness might sound like: “Thank you for the offer, I really appreciate the opportunity”—even if the salary doesn’t reflect your skills, experience, or needs. The result? You stay in scarcity, with fewer resources to thrive.
Kindness embodied allows you trust your worth, anchoring in mutual reciprocity. “I’m very excited about this role and the value I bring. Based on my experience and responsibilities, I believe a fair salary would be closer to X.”
When a friend repeatedly cancels plans.
Politeness might sound like: “No worries, I understand” allowing disappointment to quietly build, while intimacy and trust erodes.
Kindness is rooted in honesty and trusts that generosity can be achieved. “I feel let down when our plans fall through. I value our time together, and I’d love to find a way that works better for both of us.”
In both cases, kindness doesn’t diminish the relationship—it deepens it.
Clear boundaries make space for trust, connection, and real presence. Kindness opens creative possibility. It allows us to ask for what we need, and in turn, to give more generously. Because what we tolerate in our social, emotional, and physical environments echoes the love and care we’re able to extend outward towards others.
When we choose kindness over politeness, we don’t just create more space for ourselves—we create the conditions where all can flourish and benefit from the depth of care rooted in honesty and compassion for all.
I’ve recorded a free somatic inquiry to help you differentiate the sensations, beliefs and embodiments of kindness vs politeness. Observing one's pattern is the first step towards change.
