Why You Can’t Shame Yourself Into Change
Often, when someone is considering therapy, vulnerability and even embarrassment can arise. Reaching out for support means opening yourself to being seen—and that can feel risky, as if someone might discover something “wrong” with you. It takes courage and a deep sense of worthiness to take that step.
Clients may arrive feeling frustrated with themselves or rejecting parts of who they are.
But the truth is: you cannot shame yourself into change.
So what does that leave? Paradoxically, real change often begins with radical acceptance.
In my practice, compassionate inquiry often serves as a foundational practice for transformation. It embodies the principle of non-judgment and functions as a therapeutic approach, involving the exploration and understanding of one's emotions, thoughts, and experiences in a compassionate and nonjudgmental manner.
Tolerating Difficult Emotions - When we critique our reactions, it may indicate that our window of tolerance is easily overwhelmed. Criticizing our emotions keeps them suppressed and unprocessed. Embracing self-compassion allows for a gentle exploration and processing of challenging emotions, creating a safe and nonjudgmental space for emotional healing and integration.
Reducing Stress and Anxiety - Self-criticism often heightens stress and anxiety levels as individuals consistently judge themselves and their actions. Paradoxically, this hinders the desired change. Embracing a compassionate approach lessens the negative impact of self-imposed pressure, providing room to delve into the deeper roots of self-judgment and new ways to support the anxious parts.
Achieving Lasting Change - Somatic psychotherapy isn't a quick fix; it's a gradual practice addressing deeply ingrained neural pathways that generate patterns and habitual responses. Cultivating self-compassion centers on comprehending the underlying causes of behaviors and emotions, rather than merely criticizing them. This profound exploration yields insights that fuel meaningful and enduring positive change, as healthier coping strategies and self-talk gradually evolve.
